The reasons – unwilling to accept what was written, unwilling to accept the writer, unwilling to accept the natural rhythm of things. and more…

I (Michal) decided to abandon the tired reports of: “We traveled from here to there, we went through all this and then that, we were cold, we were hot, we were scared and now we are in a beautiful place”, etc…, in favor of ruminations and processes I go through (and sometimes we go through) during the journey.

I did not find myself in that technical reporting, but if anyone is still interested in following the journey and understanding where we were and what we did, there is an updated page of the route here.

So if not that, what am I writing about?

I am constantly questioning the nature of this adventure.

On the one hand – I want it to continue forever.

On the other hand – I keep asking what I’m doing here and why.

On the third hand – I wonder if it is possible to continue and hope to fulfill myself while moving, asking if it is or is not possible to combine my love for adventures with holding a quiet and loving space for people asking for my heart.

On the fourth hand, Fifth hand and more –

What is my reason, our reason, to be in such a long journey so far from the world?

Here’s my take on it (for now):

We are celebrating the one year anniversary of our departure from a stable home and heading out into the world.

The beginning was stormy and challenging. When our  travel routine settled down, the questions started to arise.

There is no doubt that on days of traveling and hiking with new views and the search for camp sites, the questions disappear and the new experiences revive the excitement and remind me of the taste of adventure. I would even go so far as to say the taste of existence.

On such a long trip, there are a lot of quiet and unexciting moments (for better or worse). You can also say very boring; these are the moments when I start to question everything, abandon my path,  look for answers and dig into the depths of my soul.

I am currently writing from a house we rented in Berkeley, California, after about three months of wandering and exploring the Northwest coast (Washington and Oregon). Half an hour after we moved here it completely felt like home to me – our home, my home. The same is true everywhere we go – we find a camping spot, whether it’s a designated site or an open space out in nature, once or twice out on the street near a friend’s house, unpack some of our stuff and immediately we have our home.

I mention this because it is not taken for granted, at least not by me. I’ve been wandering this world for 45 years (and a half!) Without feeling a sense of home, shaken by any change, unable to maintain continuity, feeling like I don’t belong anywhere or to any group. Also I fear a lot, I fear almost everything.

Along with all of the above, I embarked on this adventure on my own free will and choice. I’m starting to understand why. At least one reason, there are surely more.

As mentioned – what I’m missing is a feeling of home. And what I try to give to the people I work with is a home for their hearts.

Now in this ongoing journey, I understand that I have created a home that goes with me everywhere I go, even when I am without our physical “home”. For me – that’s a lot.

I want to believe that there is a deep meaning in all of this, and that it is revealed as we go. I keep hearing inside my head many unaccepting voices of judgment about what I’m doing, and it can ruin whole days for us. We are experiencing a confusing period, in which we are disillusioned with many ideas that we had (mostly me) and there is something very liberating in giving up the fantasies, growing up, relaxing into what is and what is not. I want to believe that learning and nurturing, disconnecting from the world as we have known it until now, dealing with the loss of such disconnection, the beauty, the excitement, the emptiness and the void, have a deep meaning in them without the need to immediately draw important conclusions from this regarding our gifts to the world and the immediate benefit. Not that I cancel it, but when I am in a constant search for meaning, usefulness and practice, I detach myself from the thing itself and remain observing, sitting on a fence, on the one hand – my role and function in the world, and on the other hand – the adventures and amazing experiences I go through, without being neither here nor there . Just observing detached and not choosing. not surrendering not present.

In our conversations I say that my dream is to be all in, dare to go all the way with life, that’s what I mean. It can seem that I’m really doing it, but inside I know that I’m not devoted to anything, I always keep one eye squinting in other directions, so that I don’t miss anything. The truth is that it is quite exhausting and not fun.

In conclusion, I welcome the break, I love Berkeley very much and am excited to be here and now, in addition to waiting to continue the journey soon. The plan is to keep going south along with the sun, not before taking advantage of the proximity to a major airport and visiting family and friends in Israel. Our plans are fluid, and with diving into the journey comes a kind of inner silence that allows the gifts of such a journey to be revealed. I would love to share again soon.

To summarize the journey itself – the three months since we arrived on the west coast have been stunning in their beauty.

We moved from the magical beaches of Washington and Oregon to the mountains, escaped fire, inhaled dust and smoke. The National Parks: Olympic, Crater Lake, Mount Rainier, and the ridge of volcanoes from Baker to Shasta in California live up to their reputations. We went from minus degrees up to 32 (celsius) in one day. There were nights close to the peaks, and nights by the ocean waves. We tried our luck with whales, and saw tails and backs.

Whidbey Island and the San Juan Islands were wonderful. Sailing on the ferry at sunrise was one of the most beautiful moments of Rosh Hashanah.

And so we continue our journey, taking us with us everywhere we go, and the layers peel off at their own pace, some quickly, some remain, some dissolve with the sea air. I am both excited and afraid about the deserts in the south, and look forward to finding out where the wind will take us.

You are welcome to discover with us.

see you soon (or a bit later)

Thank you for being with us on this journey,

Elan & Michal